Self Awareness - Part 1
Self-awareness means just that-you are aware of, and can focus on, yourself. You give top priority to the physical, energetic, emotional, mental, soul-level, and spiritual aspects of your being. Furthermore, you take responsibility for your own safety and growth.
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
– Oscar Wilde
Although the question concerning how to find the “perfect partner” is often raised, the answer lies in loving and respecting yourself-first. As you heal your issues and become healthier, you’ll feel happier and more attractive. When you feel good about yourself, it sends out positive “vibes” that are appealing to healthier partners. Then, if and when you do choose to relate with another, you’ll have a much better chance of developing a rewarding relationship from a solid foundation. As you get to know yourself, you will discover personal, preconceived beliefs about love, romance, and sex. Whether conscious or not, these preconceptions definitely have an effect on your existing relationships and on those you will attract in the future. Consequently, without the necessary self-awareness, healing, and growth, changing relationships can be like changing places of residence. You always end up having more “baggage” than you thought.
Your Body
You can never truly give to another, what you have not accepted for yourself. So, the ability to fully give your body to a partner in sexual intimacy depends upon your ability to completely accept your body. In other words, if you want your partner to accept your body, you must first accept it yourself. You must also see yourself as loveable and worthy of acceptance.
If you don’t have love for yourself, you can’t be loving to others.
-Dr. Wayne Dyer
Personal Hygiene
Good hygiene is an important part of getting in touch with your body and your sexuality. There are several aspects of personal cleanliness that are invaluable, including oral, genital, and overall body hygiene. Cleanliness in all of these areas is essential in the art of sacred sexuality. Your body should have the scent of someone who takes care of himself or herself.
Masturbation
There are both positive and negative aspects to masturbation, or self-pleasuring. With the proper focus and intent, self-pleasuring is an act of self-love. It is an effective method for awakening one’s physical
level of consciousness as well as for relaxing, learning, exploring, and awakening repressed parts of the sexual anatomy. When used properly, self-stimulation can ignite powerful surges that awaken energetic ecstasy. Also, for individuals who have issues with self-love, pleasuring themselves can be a means of developing self-acceptance.
Self-pleasuring also has its darker, addictive side. Although it is quite natural for a person to stimulate and explore his or her own body, masturbation has become a rampant addiction (repetitive attempts to fill a perceived void) for many men and a growing one for women. Men have gained a reputation for browsing the internet for porn sights to appease their need for a sexual release. Women, on the other hand, are becoming accustomed to reaching for a vibrator to assist their pleasuring. But if vibrators are used excessively, it can result in their bodies’ refusing to respond to any other form of stimulation, such as touch or intercourse. This dependency on a mechanical device is counterproductive to the goal of intimacy and sacred sexuality.
Anatomy
A basic, elementary way of differentiating a male from a female in nearly every species is by checking the genitals because our eyes tell us there is such an obvious distinction between the sexes. Yet, contrary to what most people believe, the sexual anatomy of a male and a female is actually very similar, despite having some differences. Although not evident to the eyes, this fact remains true. Our genitals are merely the outer manifestations of our primary physical expressions as either predominately male or female. During the earliest stages of fetal development, there is no known sexual differentiation between the two genders. Sexual differentiation does not become apparent until the fetus is several weeks old.
Each major part of the human sexual anatomy of one gender is analogous to the anatomy of the opposite gender. For example, a clitoris is merely a female’s version of a penis, and a man’s prostate is the male’s version of a G-spot. Examples of the anatomical parallels include:
The female sexual organs are divided into two groups. The external genitalia, which is known as the “vulva,” and the internal cavity, commonly called the “vagina,” which means “sheath” or “purse” (a pouch in which to place something).
The anatomy of the vulva (as described in this book) includes all visible parts of the genitalia including the pubic mound, the lips majora, and the clitoris.
The clitoris is like a flower. The head is the bud, the shaft is the stem, and legs are the roots. The stem passes from the head, through the shaft and into the legs of the clitoris. The clitoris varies slightly in size from one woman to the next. When stimulated, a clitoris (like a penis) can engorge to two or three times its flaccid size.
The internal female sexual organs are all housed within the pelvic cavity. The primary internal sexual anatomy of a woman includes the labia minora, vestibular bulbs, the G-spot, the vaginal canal, and the uterus and ovaries.
The vaginal canal is an energetic cauldron whose magic is best activated by focusing on love, being present with your lover, and making the proper contact with and stimulation of her other sensual triggers, such as the breasts, clitoris, G-spot, and anus. The magical ingredients of this sacred, energetic cauldron respond best when cooked slowly and left on simmer. This simmering activates energy within the vagina that can send powerful surges or gentle waves upward through a woman’s body.
The G-Spot was named after the doctor who is reported to have “discovered” it, Dr. Ernst von Grafenberg. The ancients actually referred to it as the “sacred spot.” The G-spot, by any name, is actually not a “spot” at all, but a region. It’s an area within the vaginal canal filled with nerves that respond to arousal. The paraurethral (Skene’s) glands that create vaginal orgasm and ejaculation with proper stimulation are a part of the G-spot region located on the roof of the vagina, just an inch or so from the vaginal opening.
To find the G-spot, insert one or two fingers into the vagina and stroke or massage the spongy tissue at the roof of the vagina. The G-spot swells when stimulated and feels similar to the rough or bumpy section on the roof of the mouth. Since the urethral canal runs through the center of the vagina’s roof, stroking can add to the sensation to urinate. This sensation can be avoided by not massaging directly in the center of the vaginal canal. Strangely enough, even though the G-spot can be felt and its stimulation can trigger a unique form of orgasm, many medical researchers and manuals do not acknowledge its existence-even in today’s “modern” age. The G-spot is the place where women psychically store their cellular memories of sexual issues and abuses. Therefore, massaging this area can sometimes result in the release of old wounds. If cellular memories and sexual wounds are accessed therapeutically, the results can be profound.
The Uterus is, in Taoist sexual practices, referred to as “The Heavenly Palace.” The uterus is depicted as “heavenly” because of its abode-hovering above the other sexual organs-and because of its purpose, which is to be a heavenly home for the developing fetus prior to entering the earth plane.
Blessed be thy womb, without which we would not be.
-Wiccan Incantation
The uterus, or womb, is a muscular organ located behind, and slightly above, the bladder. Shaped like an upside down pear, the uterus is, on average, three inches in length and two inches at its widest portion. The uterus is typically overlooked as part of the sexual anatomy. This neglect results primarily from its lack of exposure to direct physical stimulation and from a lack of understanding concerning how it can be energetically activated. The uterus is such a vital part of the female sexual anatomy that it is a primary storehouse for memories from physical, emotional, and psychic sexual abuse. Every woman should connect and share healing time on a regular basis with her uterus. Some of this healing can be done through energy work, prayer, journaling and/or visualization. Doing healing energy work on the uterus and ovaries is a subtle and complicated process, difficult to describe and in need of a very sensitive, intuitive healer. Reiki is an excellent method for sending love into either the uterus or the ovaries.
Like the female anatomy, the male sexual organs can be divided into two groups. The external portion is known as the scrotum and penis. The internal portion includes the testicles and prostate gland.
The anatomy of a male (as described in this book) encompasses all visible parts of the genitalia including the outer skin of the scrotum and the primary anatomy of the penis with its internal parts. The male penis is known in Sanskrit by other names, including lingam (meaning “Wand of Light”) and vajra (meaning “Lightning Bolt”). A woman’s yoni may be a sacred cauldron, but the man has the wand that stirs and ignites the magic.
The scrotum is the sack that hangs below the penis. From the outside, the scrotum looks like only one single part. But internally, it is divided into two parts (left and right), each containing one testicle. The left testicle hangs a little lower than the right, preventing excessive bumping between the testicles.
The penis in its flaccid, non-erect, state averages three inches long and one-and-a-half inches in diameter. The average erect penis is between five and six inches. The longer a penis is when it’s flaccid, the less it will grow to reach an erection. An erection is the result of blood engorging tiny caverns, or sinuses, within three chambers that run the length of the penis. The amount of blood that flows into an erection is nearly ten times that which is present before the erection.
Like a woman’s clitoris (her version of a penis), a man’s penis divides into three parts: the head (or glans), the body (or shaft), and the legs (or crura). Also, like a clitoris, the penis is only partly exposed, with just the head and most of the shaft being visible. The roots or legs of the penis are inside the man’s pelvic cavity. The penis also has a base, which extends internally into the pelvic cavity. The male corpus spongiosum runs from the head of the penis down to the base, which terminates at the bulb below the pubic bone and is energetically connected to the prostate.
Like the female’s internal, sexual anatomy, the male’s sexual organs are all housed within the pelvic cavity, with the exception of the testicles, located in the externally hanging scrotum. The internal anatomy of a man includes the prostate and testicles.
The prostate is the male equivalent of the female G-spot. The prostate secretes most of the seminal fluid, a thin alkaline substance that neutralizes the acidic environment of the vagina. This fluid combines with the secretions from the seminal vesicles and the sperm from the testicles before flowing into the urethra. The prostate can be accessed internally through the anus or externally by touching the slight indentation in the perineum, located halfway between the anus and testicles. Prior to ejaculation, the penis usually releases a few drops of a clear, mucous-like fluid (secreted from the Cowper’s Gland located below the prostate) that exits first-commonly called “pre-cum.” This fluid is not semen or sperm.
Although men and women have sexual anatomy appearing unique to their gender, they also share some of the same anatomical features. Some similarities include the urethra (which empties the bladder from the body), the perineum (the group of muscles at the base of the torso), the PC muscle (the primary muscle of the perineum region), the ring muscles (the muscles that form a ring around orifices such as the anus), and the nipples (which are excitation points for the chest, breast, and heart chakra-as well as the genitals).
The PC (pubo-coccygeus) muscle is part of the perineum and may be the most important single muscle for healthy sexuality. It is also the muscle contracted and relaxed during “Kegel” exercises. Unfortunately, most people, including women, don’t know where it’s located, let alone, what it does. The PC muscle can enhance sexual wellness in numerous ways. It can be used to enlarge the male penis, tone the female vaginal canal, prevent energy leaks from the sexual organs and anus, massage the prostate, and
prevent ejaculation. For a female, the tightening and relaxing of a well-toned PC muscle is experienced as the contraction of the vaginal walls.
The PC muscle is located between the genitals and the anus. It extends from the base of the spine (where it connects to the tailbone) to the front of the body (where it connects to the pubic bone). The PC muscle controls the opening and closing of the urethra, the seminal canal, the vagina, and the anus. It also increases blood flow to the genitals. Proper use of this muscle can increase early stages of arousal and the intensity of an orgasm, as well as the effectiveness of energy movement.
In the context of sacred sexuality, the size and shape of a person’s body or its parts, such as breast and penis, make no difference, since the focus is on the soul. Even without knowledge of sacred sex, most people would still not place quantity (size) over quality. Furthermore, studies have proven time and again that there is no consistent pattern that determines our breast or genital size. This means that despite social beliefs and media hype, the size of our sexual organs is not determined by, nor reflected in, the size of our nose, feet, hands, or body. From the standpoint of sacred sexuality, there are two crucial points of emphasis on the genital size. The first is that the genitals need to be as compatible as possible. In other words, there are more healing benefits to intercourse when the genitals of a man and woman fit well and are of compatible size. This allows more skin-to-skin contact and allows each person to relax more, knowing they not fear the oversize of their partner nor have to do extra work to compensate for undersize. Second, it serves the principles of sacred sexuality for partners to be as attracted as possible to each other. Therefore, although the size and shape of the body need not be the only priority, nor the highest, it can be honored as an important piece of the natural attraction.
Female ejaculations, according to medical science, are still a doubtful occurrence. In fact, many medical experts are not certain that a woman even has an orgasm, let alone an ejaculation. They especially deny that a woman can release an ejaculate fluid. Yet, this fact was not unknown to the ancients. In classic writings on sacred sexuality, a woman’s ejaculate fluid is called amrita, or “divine nectar.”
The semen of the female falls in the same way as that of a male.
-Kama Sutra
Despite the denial of many medical experts, a modern laboratory analysis found that a woman does indeed release an ejaculate from the vestibular (Bartholin) glands (located towards the lower portion of the vaginal opening) and the paraurethral (Skene’s) glands (located towards the upper portion of the vaginal opening). A woman’s ejaculate, or nectar, varies in color from clear to slightly opaque and varies in taste from astringent to sweet or has no taste at all. A woman often inhibits ejaculation because of the sensation of urination when she is about to release the amrita. So she consciously or unconsciously tenses up and holds back. But when a woman lets go, she can actually have an ejaculation. The quantity of fluid can range from a teaspoon to a cupful. The amount partly depends on whether her orgasm also triggers a release of her bladder, in which case a larger quantity of fluid is released.
The basic steps for ejaculating are as follows:
1. You must feel physically and mentally prepared.
2. You must stimulate the G-spot enough to engorge with fluid.
3. You should keep some pressure on the G- spot while you stimulate the clit to point of orgasm.
4. Then, as you reach a high clitoral orgasm, release the pressure on the G-spot and push.
Male ejaculations actually occur in two stages. The first stage is the ejaculation preparation stage, wherein the seminal fluid, including the sperm, flows into the urethral bulb. The prostate enlarges, as it fills with secretions, until it is full and cannot contain any more tension.
The second stage is the actual release of fluid, wherein semen (trapped in the urethral bulb) is released as the external urethral sphincter relaxes. The sperm and other fluids then pass through the urethra and out of the penis, after which the prostate shrinks back to its normal size. The average amount of sperm released by a male is about one teaspoonful.
If the PC muscle is strong, it can (during the contractions) put enough pressure on the channel that passes the prostate gland to prevent semen from passing through. The body can recycle the preserved seminal fluid and transport these juices (filled with nutrients and life-force) into the bloodstream via the lymphatic duct. Semen retention, of course, nourishes the body because instead of expelling this energy, it is reabsorbed into the system. This technique of using the PC muscle to prevent the passing of semen is crucial to turning an e-jaculation into an in-jaculation. Practicing in-jaculation, or “ejaculation control,” is one of the best methods for preventing premature ejaculation or premature orgasms.
In sexual intercourse, semen must be regarded as a most precious substance. By saving it, a man protects his very life. Whenever he does ejaculate, the loss of semen must then be compensated by absorbing the woman essence.
-Peng-Tze (Secrets of the Jade Bedroom)
Ejaculations and orgasms are not the same. An ejaculation is purely physiological-an involuntary muscle spasm. An orgasm, on the other hand, can be a spiritual, energetic, and physiological experience. Ejaculations and orgasms can be separated at the moment of climactic arousal. This separation process allows the male to experience ejaculations without orgasms or, better yet, experience orgasms without ejaculation, which prevents the loss of the male’s energy and erection.
The most common type of orgasm is the physical, peak, orgasm, which usually results from direct stimulation of the penis or clitoris (the female’s version of a penis). During this level of orgasm, there are similarities and differences between the physiological responses of a man and woman.
To build an intense orgasm for your partner (or yourself), bring your partner as close as possible to orgasm and keep him (or her) on that plateau, not allowing an actual release. You can prevent your partner from “going over the top” by changing rhythm, pace or pressure. Once your partner comes down a little, repeat the process. Then draw them up again, getting him (or her) as close as possible to peaking without going over the top. Assist your partner in riding the plateau just before orgasm. Repeat this practice at least three times or perhaps more. Each time the energy is built up, it increases the amount of physical, emotional, and spiritual energy to be released. The intent is to build a constant increase in excitement to intensify the resulting orgasm. The secret to building an orgasm without going past the point of no return is to know when your partner is about to climax. The closer you can bring them to the point of orgasm (but not release) with the greatest number of repetitions of this process, the more the ecstatic energy builds, resulting in an intense, sustained orgasm. Once you deepen the level of orgasm, the energy spreads, and the pleasure increases. The whole nervous system is thereby flooded with lifeforce.